on my heart....

I think we all often have things that lay heavy on our hearts.

Sometimes it's things we can talk about aloud.  Sometimes it's things we hold close to us because it hurts too much to talk about.  Sometimes it's just something we can't discuss.

I have thought a lot lately about how different I am than when I graduated from high school almost six years ago.  I think about the mistakes I have made in my life.  Things I wish I could have changed.  The things I struggled through because I felt like I had no one to confide in or couldn't tal about because it wasn't my place.

I guess I have had a heavy heart for awhile now because I jsut keep thinking about how the things I have went through, the people I have dealt with, and the choices I made affect the person I am today.

Sometimes I wish I was the same carefree girl I was six years ago, believing that everything and everyone in the world was good.  Thinking that I would figure things out along the way, I made choices I wish I had not made.  I guess maybe this is maybe something I need to work on.  Maybe I will discuss things on this blog.  Maybe I will use this not only as my love of music,crafts, baking, but also has therapeutic relief.

Revolution

I know I have been bad at the whole blogging thing lately. I am beginning to wonder if it is even worth it...but then I say to myself "Have you really given it your all?"  The answer to that is no.  Unfortunately, the answer to that is no.  I don't really have time to give it an awesome go today because I am getting ready to walk out the door to go to the bank, pick my mom up from work, drop mom off and be reunited with my high school best friend Jillian.  Tomorrow I am going shopping and to lunch with the coolest (and I guess also the uncoolest) 84 year old I know...Grandma!  We probably won't shop too much because her arthritis is acting up, but eh I just want to spend time with her!
So I leave you with this...the first two songs I air guitar-ed to in the New Year!

I promise weekly outfit posts, crafts, and baking will be coming!

Light Up the Sky

I don't typically post or talk about my religious beliefs, but this song is one of my favorite songs of all time. I listen to it a lot, especially when I am having a bad day.  I am so glad that I have God in my life, sometimes I feel like He is the only one who knows everything that I am going through, all the stress I feel. Sometimes i get angry that I have anxiety issues that I do and I say "Why me?" I sometimes just need a reminder that God is always with me.

Resolutions

I know I have sucked at blogging lately. Between finals, Christmas baking, and running to four Christmases I haven't had time to do much of anything. But I will get better at blogging more frequently!

This blog is about my resolutions.  I think we all have things we could improve on...but many of us will not own up to them.  New Years is one of my top five favorite holidays.  Not for the drinking, partying, and yee-hawing, but because it is a time for new beginnings.  I have made resolutions before, but like many before, have I really kept up with those resolutions? No.

I am hoping that if I put my resolutions on my blog I will be more likely to keep them.  I am also going to print off a copy and put it above my bed at school or by the desk of something.
So I'm sure now you are thinking...a list??????????

Yes, a list. I need to make a lot of improvements to my life!

1.  Stop stressing so much.

This will probably be the hardest. Those who know me well know that I stress about everything.  I am prone to panic attacks, high levels or anxiety, and just downright crazy thinking.  

2.  Don't worry so much about money.

This probably could tie into the one above, but I am prone to stressing specifically about money more often than almost any other subject.  I have plenty of money saved up, I clip coupons, I thrift, I don't blow my money on stupid stuff like booze and drugs. So why am I always stressing about money?

3.  Start working out again,

 This was resolution for last year.  It didn't work out so well. I have gained back A LOT of the weight I lost. I know this is something I have to be committed to.  Anyone have any ideas on how to stay motivated on a busy, working college kid schedule?

4. No more Farmville!

 I am giving up pretty much all facebook games.  I will probably still do Pawn Stars, but only because it's not one you really have to check everyday.

5.  Get more connected with family.

I need to get better with calling and e-mailing those around me.  There are so many people in my life that I love.  I need to make more time to call them.  I think what made me think about this the most were three people.  One is my 84 year old grandmother.  Although she is in good health (great for her age) things happen so quickly.  I don't want to regret not calling.  The second person is my other grandmother.  I live in the same town as her (well when I am home from college) and I barely see her!  The third person is my cousin, Emily.  I have seven first cousins and I will be honest there are some I speak to at holidays and that is it.  It's not that way with Em.  She is one of my best friends and I wish we lived closer together (secretly part of the reason I hope I can find a job in New England).  A few weeks ago they thought she had thyroid cancer.  Thank the Lord it looks like it is not malignant, but still.  

6.  Blog more often.I need to get in the habit of blogging more often.  When I started this blog, it was with the intent to talk  about my love of music, baking, and everything else I love.  I have not done that.  I plan to get better at it!

Being thankful

I have to say I have been quite anxious this past week. 

I am a person who is frequently anxious. 

I use to view it as being "freakuently". 

But now I view it as being part of who I am. 

I will probably always have anxiety attacks from time to time. 

I have had a lot this past week, but I have decided to take my life back from them. 

I may not always be able to have everything I want. 

I may not always be the best at things. I may fail at things. 

I may cry. 

People may hurt me.  

But I am awesome. 

I have awesome people in my life. 

I am blessed to be going to a great school, learning from some of the best teachers in the area, and am working towards a career I will love. 

I have a fiance who would do anything for me and is one of the biggest support systems in my life.  

I have a brother who is proud (most of the time) to call me his sister and still lets me pester him.  

I have a mom who always tries to make sure she has one of my favorite meals ready for me when I come home from school and makes sure the washer and dryer are open. 

I have a dad who gets concerned when I don't call/text/facebook for awhile and calls just to make sure I am okay and gives me pep talks when I need them most.  

I have grandparents that give hugs and support when needed.  

I have friends that always listen to me whine, cry, and have no problem picking on me.  

I have the best roomie a girl could ask for, even if she does record my horrible dancing and puts it on facebook.  

I have a step-mom that is better to me than most step-moms are. 
I have a church family that is awesome, and extends from my church to churches throughout the state and even in other states.  Everyone of them has touched my life in some way.

I have a job where they aren't just my bosses, they are my friends too.

Yeah, I may not have everything, but I am blessed to say I have a lot.

On Thanksgiving Saturday, my Grandma Eddy said it best on the way to meet my dad. "I am a millionaire because I have lots of friends and family who care about me".

Rosettes, Foxes, and sweaters oh my!

I think I found a few things I am going to buy when they go on the cheap after Christmas!

Sweater! 

Rosette Top 

 Rosette Top

Rosette Boatneck 

 Mustard Yellow

 Cute Sweater!

 

Fox Socks! 

Fox Socks!

For those that know me well, they know I LOVE foxes.  On Gary's birthday, we saw one on the way home.There was no one behind me so I stopped the car to look at it for a couple minutes(from the safety of the car). I mean, c'mon, how can you not think these are adorable?

I am [blank]

I am weird because...



I hate smells of any kind.
I have panic attacks more often than I would like to admit.
I would rather go to school than do most hings in life...which is probably why I am going to school to be a teacher.
I want short hair but my friends say they would laugh at me and call me a boy.
I dance horribly. See here


I am a bad friend because...


I never return phonecalls or texts. 
I am horrible at saying what is on my mind.
I can't always open up and say what my heart is feeling.



I am a good friend because...


I would do anything for any of my best friends.
I see my friends as some of the most beautiful people in the world.
I would speed to take them to the hospital, run like a lunatic to every exit on the north side of the hospital to get them a wheelchair.
I want them to be the best they can be.

I am sad because...


I can't please everyone, and when I don't I feel like a failure.
I don't know how I am going to get everything done I need to get accomplished this break.
I know this holiday season is going to be very hard for my best friend.



I am happy because...


I get to see most of my family for Thanksgiving.
I have most of my Christmas shopping done.
I have craft ideas to do out the wazzo over Christmas break.


I am excited for...

Next semester's classes.
The New Year.
Christmas.
Thanksgiving.
Christmas shopping for the little boy I got for Secret Santa.

I am blessed because...
I have a great family (Mom, Dad, Patrick, Grandma Eddy, Meme, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc.)
I have a great fiance.
I have great friends.
Although, I don't have the biggest bank account in the world, I have enough that I can give to others.