Light Up the Sky

I don't typically post or talk about my religious beliefs, but this song is one of my favorite songs of all time. I listen to it a lot, especially when I am having a bad day.  I am so glad that I have God in my life, sometimes I feel like He is the only one who knows everything that I am going through, all the stress I feel. Sometimes i get angry that I have anxiety issues that I do and I say "Why me?" I sometimes just need a reminder that God is always with me.

Resolutions

I know I have sucked at blogging lately. Between finals, Christmas baking, and running to four Christmases I haven't had time to do much of anything. But I will get better at blogging more frequently!

This blog is about my resolutions.  I think we all have things we could improve on...but many of us will not own up to them.  New Years is one of my top five favorite holidays.  Not for the drinking, partying, and yee-hawing, but because it is a time for new beginnings.  I have made resolutions before, but like many before, have I really kept up with those resolutions? No.

I am hoping that if I put my resolutions on my blog I will be more likely to keep them.  I am also going to print off a copy and put it above my bed at school or by the desk of something.
So I'm sure now you are thinking...a list??????????

Yes, a list. I need to make a lot of improvements to my life!

1.  Stop stressing so much.

This will probably be the hardest. Those who know me well know that I stress about everything.  I am prone to panic attacks, high levels or anxiety, and just downright crazy thinking.  

2.  Don't worry so much about money.

This probably could tie into the one above, but I am prone to stressing specifically about money more often than almost any other subject.  I have plenty of money saved up, I clip coupons, I thrift, I don't blow my money on stupid stuff like booze and drugs. So why am I always stressing about money?

3.  Start working out again,

 This was resolution for last year.  It didn't work out so well. I have gained back A LOT of the weight I lost. I know this is something I have to be committed to.  Anyone have any ideas on how to stay motivated on a busy, working college kid schedule?

4. No more Farmville!

 I am giving up pretty much all facebook games.  I will probably still do Pawn Stars, but only because it's not one you really have to check everyday.

5.  Get more connected with family.

I need to get better with calling and e-mailing those around me.  There are so many people in my life that I love.  I need to make more time to call them.  I think what made me think about this the most were three people.  One is my 84 year old grandmother.  Although she is in good health (great for her age) things happen so quickly.  I don't want to regret not calling.  The second person is my other grandmother.  I live in the same town as her (well when I am home from college) and I barely see her!  The third person is my cousin, Emily.  I have seven first cousins and I will be honest there are some I speak to at holidays and that is it.  It's not that way with Em.  She is one of my best friends and I wish we lived closer together (secretly part of the reason I hope I can find a job in New England).  A few weeks ago they thought she had thyroid cancer.  Thank the Lord it looks like it is not malignant, but still.  

6.  Blog more often.I need to get in the habit of blogging more often.  When I started this blog, it was with the intent to talk  about my love of music, baking, and everything else I love.  I have not done that.  I plan to get better at it!

Being thankful

I have to say I have been quite anxious this past week. 

I am a person who is frequently anxious. 

I use to view it as being "freakuently". 

But now I view it as being part of who I am. 

I will probably always have anxiety attacks from time to time. 

I have had a lot this past week, but I have decided to take my life back from them. 

I may not always be able to have everything I want. 

I may not always be the best at things. I may fail at things. 

I may cry. 

People may hurt me.  

But I am awesome. 

I have awesome people in my life. 

I am blessed to be going to a great school, learning from some of the best teachers in the area, and am working towards a career I will love. 

I have a fiance who would do anything for me and is one of the biggest support systems in my life.  

I have a brother who is proud (most of the time) to call me his sister and still lets me pester him.  

I have a mom who always tries to make sure she has one of my favorite meals ready for me when I come home from school and makes sure the washer and dryer are open. 

I have a dad who gets concerned when I don't call/text/facebook for awhile and calls just to make sure I am okay and gives me pep talks when I need them most.  

I have grandparents that give hugs and support when needed.  

I have friends that always listen to me whine, cry, and have no problem picking on me.  

I have the best roomie a girl could ask for, even if she does record my horrible dancing and puts it on facebook.  

I have a step-mom that is better to me than most step-moms are. 
I have a church family that is awesome, and extends from my church to churches throughout the state and even in other states.  Everyone of them has touched my life in some way.

I have a job where they aren't just my bosses, they are my friends too.

Yeah, I may not have everything, but I am blessed to say I have a lot.

On Thanksgiving Saturday, my Grandma Eddy said it best on the way to meet my dad. "I am a millionaire because I have lots of friends and family who care about me".

Rosettes, Foxes, and sweaters oh my!

I think I found a few things I am going to buy when they go on the cheap after Christmas!

Sweater! 

Rosette Top 

 Rosette Top

Rosette Boatneck 

 Mustard Yellow

 Cute Sweater!

 

Fox Socks! 

Fox Socks!

For those that know me well, they know I LOVE foxes.  On Gary's birthday, we saw one on the way home.There was no one behind me so I stopped the car to look at it for a couple minutes(from the safety of the car). I mean, c'mon, how can you not think these are adorable?

I am [blank]

I am weird because...



I hate smells of any kind.
I have panic attacks more often than I would like to admit.
I would rather go to school than do most hings in life...which is probably why I am going to school to be a teacher.
I want short hair but my friends say they would laugh at me and call me a boy.
I dance horribly. See here


I am a bad friend because...


I never return phonecalls or texts. 
I am horrible at saying what is on my mind.
I can't always open up and say what my heart is feeling.



I am a good friend because...


I would do anything for any of my best friends.
I see my friends as some of the most beautiful people in the world.
I would speed to take them to the hospital, run like a lunatic to every exit on the north side of the hospital to get them a wheelchair.
I want them to be the best they can be.

I am sad because...


I can't please everyone, and when I don't I feel like a failure.
I don't know how I am going to get everything done I need to get accomplished this break.
I know this holiday season is going to be very hard for my best friend.



I am happy because...


I get to see most of my family for Thanksgiving.
I have most of my Christmas shopping done.
I have craft ideas to do out the wazzo over Christmas break.


I am excited for...

Next semester's classes.
The New Year.
Christmas.
Thanksgiving.
Christmas shopping for the little boy I got for Secret Santa.

I am blessed because...
I have a great family (Mom, Dad, Patrick, Grandma Eddy, Meme, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc.)
I have a great fiance.
I have great friends.
Although, I don't have the biggest bank account in the world, I have enough that I can give to others.

Whew Have I been Busy

Sorry for not blogging in like 3483920483920 days.I have been consumed by homework, school in general, observing, working, etc.

Oh and ya know...GETTING MY FIRST CAR!

Yes,  I realize I am 23 and should have probably in most people's minds had like 5 cars by now, but I had issues with getting my license (it made me have panic attacks to think about it).  Truth be told I don't know when I stopped having panic attacks about it, but now I feel like I was so stupid for being that way.  Let me just say, waiting this long for a car was soooo worth it! I always thought it was weird when people loved their car so much, but trust me I love mine.

Here is a bit of what I have been doing since the last time I blogged:

Volunteering at football games:

 Going to homecoming with Gary:

I don't have pictures of all my observing for obvious reasons.

Now here are some pictures of my beautiful car!

My roommate and I have also decorated our room for Christmas! You do not know how much this pumps me up because last year I had a roomie who wasn't so keen on Christmas decorations. So obviously, this year I went all out.

Our front door:

 

Our Bulletin board:

 See that sign that says "Teaching is a work of the heart"?

Yeah, 49 cents at the Goodwill!

So that is what I have been up to! I will try to get back in to the blogging swing of things as soon as things get settled down!

Truth Tuesday

I was very productive tonight, so I am going to do another Truth Tuesday.
I know last time I did a Truth Tuesday it had a somber tone, and I think I just need to talk more about how I feel.
To help me deal with my feelings.
I have never believed in the stages of loss or whatever.
Maybe because anybody I ever lost that was close to me, it was because they died of old age.
I have never really had a close death of someone close to me.
I have sat and cried about Jason's death so much lately.  I cry when I am alone, I cry on my drives to and from observing, I cry when I can't sleep, I cry when I have Gary to lean on.
I kept telling myself it wasn't true, which I guess is that stage of denial.
I think I skipped anger and went to bargaining.
I went to depression.
And then just recently I came back to anger.
And I don't think anger even covers it.
I am ticked at everyone.  I am ticked at the doctors because they couldn't fix him. I am ticked at the nurses for not doing what they were supposed to do.  I am ticked at myself for not going home to visit more. 
And I'm mad at God.
I feel horrible saying that, but I am.
I feel like I am a bad Christian for saying that.
Even as I type it, I want to erase it.
But then I would be lying wouldn't I?
I try to tell myself that God needed a best friend in heaven and right now Jason is driving around heaven in a plum crazy purple Dodge...
But what about all of us?
The ones who cared about Jason?
All the plans we had?
All the things he had left to do?
I just can't help but be mad at everyone.
I just can't wrap my mind around why this had to happen.
I hope I can someday, but I just feel like all of this is so unfair to so many people.

Day Two

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

My newest obsession, Nutella. Tastes good on vanilla wafers. :)

Day 1

I decided to jump back in to blogging.  I decided by doing this, I was going to do the 30/60 day blog challenge.  I found a thirty day challenge and a sixty day, so I am going to combine them on some and just pick one for others.
Day 1 – A photo of yourself, 15 interesting facts, and a description of how your day was.

15 Facts:
1.  I stress wayyyy too much.  I stress about money, I stress about grades, I stress about observing, I stress about pleasing everyone, I stress about the people I love thinking I am a failure, etc.  I could go on and on and on, but I will spare you.

2.  I have wanted to teach since I was in like kindergarten.  No lie.  I really REALLY hope I get to use my middle school social studies part of my degree, as opposed to the elementary education side of the degree. I love working with middle school kids.

3.  I have the best parents in the world.  I know, I know, everyone says that, but no my parents really are.  I know my parents haven't always given me everything like some kids, but that is one reason why the are such good parents.  I have had to work for things.  I take care of my belongings (as the best to my ability).  They have went above and beyond for me and honestly I don't think I thank them enough.  They are the people I try most to make proud of me and when I fail at something I am always afraid they will think I am a failure.

4.  I want to live in one of the New England states.  I have since I was 14, but I am thinking it will be hard to find a teaching job there.  If I end up having to stay in West Virginia I want to stay in the Wheeling area.  I find the area fascinating and there are a couple schools I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to work at if I decided to stay in this area.
5.  I have the best fiance in the world.  He is always there for me when I am depressed (which has been a lot lately) and he always tells me how amazing I am.  He can almost always cheer me up.

6.  Honestly the people that can cheer me up the quickest are all male: my dad, my fiance, and my brother.

7.  I always hated my name growing up, but now I love it.  There aren't a million Eva's and it is a name I can grow in to.  When I have children, I want to give them the same type of name.  Things that can be cutesy, but won't look stupid when they are 87 on a motorize scooter.

8.  Working at some of the after school programs this semester have make me thankful for the things I have.  I may not have the newest clothes or be super rich, but I have never gone hungry and I always had supportive parents.  It really just breaks your heart sometimes.

9.  I have more pet peeves than the average person.

10.  If I could go out and start teaching today I would in a heartbeat.

11.  I love learning about odd things.  I love watching "Decoded" on the history Channel.

12. I love love love Lenny Kravitz.  

13. Lady Gaga is my guilty pleasure.  I honestly think in some ways she is a good role model.  She is all about not bullying and equality and I admire her so much for that.

14.  I am the post-it queen.

15.  I love cooking and baking.

My day:

Panicky, because I am the queen of stress, but fun because my mom bought the new electronic Monopoly and we played it (I won).  Mom also made her awesome homemade tomato soup!

Blogging News

I think I am going to keep my blogging going.  I have been getting down because I don't have any followers yet.  I got to thinking about it, and that is not the reason I started this blog.  I started this blog to say what I think, to have a record of things I have made or want to make or my achievements.  And dagnabbit I am keeping my blog.

In the next few weeks I hope to begin work on a bloom belt.  It is something I have wanted to make for awhile.
Here are some great examples:

Here's hoping my professors let up on the homework and let me have a little fun!

Truth Tuesday (a day early)

I haven't blogged in awhile.

I suck I know.
I have been really busy and questioning whether I even want to keep on blogging.

I haven't had a lot of success at it.

But I have a lot on my heart right now, so whether I decide to keep blogging or not I am going to do a Truth Tuesday because honestly I just need some closure.

Truth is death freaking sucks.

I lost a friend last week.

He was my best friend's husband, but Jason was my friend.

He was the kind of person that could always brighten your day because he was always smiling.

He was brave.

He ate chocolate covered bacon at the Alpha.

He helped teach me to drive.

He dressed up as a woman and competed in Mr.Relay for Relay for Life.

I wish I could put into words all the good things Jason was, but honestly I don't think there are enough positive adjectives in the dictionary to define the kind of person Jason was.  

I wish I had gotten to know you sooner.  I wish your wife and I had become friends sooner so we could have been friends longer, but that is not the way God wanted it.

At first I was angry at everyone for what happened to you.

It was the doctor's fault.

It was the nurse's fault. 

It was God's fault.

But deep down, I know this is the way it was supposed to be.  If it was something the doctor or nurse did it was because God wanted it to happen.  I don't mean that in a mean vindictive way.  God needed you in heaven; He had some bigger job for you up there.

It makes me so sad to know that all the plans we all had won't get to happen.

You were supposed to be so proud of me for getting my license.

We were supposed to go to the Alpha again soon.

I was supposed to continue stealing bites of your dessert until I was too old to chase you down.

Or until you gave up and realized I was always going to steal your dessert, so you should just move the plate closer.

Which you always did.

Amanda and your kids were suppossed to be like older siblings to Gary and I's kids.

You guys were supposed to come visit us in the summer.

You and my mom were supposed to get the Ol' 96er.

We were supposed to have many more cook outs.

We were supposed to break more lawn chairs and all laugh hysterically at each other.

We were all supposed to race scooters in the nursing home and get kicked out.

There are so many things we were all supposed to do.

And now you can't do them with us.

I have cried about this every day it seems like.  I keep thinking about all the good times we had and when I get really sad I think of one particular memory.

We were working on backing up on your road.

I got upset and said "We are just going back to your house".

You said, "Yes, and then we are going to back up again".

You would want to me to keep trying.  You would want us all to keep trying.

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure"- Albus Dumbledore

Long time no blog :)

I realize I have been really bad at blogging lately, but I have had an issue on my heart that I am trying to figure a way I can tactfully say on my Truth Tuesday, so I have been avoiding.  So I get paid Friday and I am thinking of buying a couple items of clothing.  There is A LOT I like and I am trying to get things that can be versatile or are really unique.  I am also trying to stay with things that I can dress up or dress down.  So without further ado, here they are!

Lace Lover Tee

 I think this would look cute under my mustard yellow sweater.

Women's Ruffled Drop-Waist Tops

 Pretty Scent Top

  

I know socks are a silly thing to want, but foxes are one of my favorite animals.

Foxy Ankle Sock

Botanical Tee 

 Down East Basics Skirt