Truth Tuesday (a day early)

I haven't blogged in awhile.

I suck I know.
I have been really busy and questioning whether I even want to keep on blogging.

I haven't had a lot of success at it.

But I have a lot on my heart right now, so whether I decide to keep blogging or not I am going to do a Truth Tuesday because honestly I just need some closure.

Truth is death freaking sucks.

I lost a friend last week.

He was my best friend's husband, but Jason was my friend.

He was the kind of person that could always brighten your day because he was always smiling.

He was brave.

He ate chocolate covered bacon at the Alpha.

He helped teach me to drive.

He dressed up as a woman and competed in Mr.Relay for Relay for Life.

I wish I could put into words all the good things Jason was, but honestly I don't think there are enough positive adjectives in the dictionary to define the kind of person Jason was.  

I wish I had gotten to know you sooner.  I wish your wife and I had become friends sooner so we could have been friends longer, but that is not the way God wanted it.

At first I was angry at everyone for what happened to you.

It was the doctor's fault.

It was the nurse's fault. 

It was God's fault.

But deep down, I know this is the way it was supposed to be.  If it was something the doctor or nurse did it was because God wanted it to happen.  I don't mean that in a mean vindictive way.  God needed you in heaven; He had some bigger job for you up there.

It makes me so sad to know that all the plans we all had won't get to happen.

You were supposed to be so proud of me for getting my license.

We were supposed to go to the Alpha again soon.

I was supposed to continue stealing bites of your dessert until I was too old to chase you down.

Or until you gave up and realized I was always going to steal your dessert, so you should just move the plate closer.

Which you always did.

Amanda and your kids were suppossed to be like older siblings to Gary and I's kids.

You guys were supposed to come visit us in the summer.

You and my mom were supposed to get the Ol' 96er.

We were supposed to have many more cook outs.

We were supposed to break more lawn chairs and all laugh hysterically at each other.

We were all supposed to race scooters in the nursing home and get kicked out.

There are so many things we were all supposed to do.

And now you can't do them with us.

I have cried about this every day it seems like.  I keep thinking about all the good times we had and when I get really sad I think of one particular memory.

We were working on backing up on your road.

I got upset and said "We are just going back to your house".

You said, "Yes, and then we are going to back up again".

You would want to me to keep trying.  You would want us all to keep trying.

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure"- Albus Dumbledore